Social Skills

Identifying feelings

Express feelings  (dealing with worry)

reward chart

Give your life away – don’t waste time with SELF – esteem – abundant life – give away rights and self-image – self-pity

I have the right to lay it down and take it up again. GOd doesn’t invade your will to choose. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnKhuj36Psc  (God knocks, politely knock, doesn’t force himself in)

It is well with my soul – whatever my lot (psalm 16, my lines have fallen in pleasant places)

future hope

“one another verses”

follow directions

Being a good sport – taking turns –  sharing

showing empathy

positive attitude (positive self talk)

taking responsibility – apologizing

accepting consequences

understanding choices

reading social cues – understand personal space

  • 4 + lessons on social cues   https://www.centervention.com/social-cues-and-social-awareness/
  • voice inflection (no sheet)

Cooperation/communication  (getting along with others, flexible thinking, self-advocating)

Conversation

Being a friend – Making friends – What is a good friend

being reflective

Disagreeing Respectfully  (seeing someone else’s perspective, appreciating differences, dealing with problems and conflicts, apologizing, compromising, flexible thinking, brain storming solutions)

Lesson 1

  1. This course is called social skills, so what are social skills? Skills are tasks, things we do that we can practice and get good at. Social has to do with society, the people around us and how we relate to one another.
  2. One another – that’s our key phrase for social skills. We’re going to learn about how we relate to one another.
  3. It all starts with how we relate to God and ourselves.
  4. Before we get to that, I want to talk a little about the course. I want to let you know that so much of what our society teaches about being healthy in life and relationships comes from the Bible! The practice of gratitude, for instance, didn’t start with Oprah. It started with the Bible. Acts of kindness were commanded in the Bible long before it was a catch phrase. Our worksheets and lessons will come from websites that are not Christian, like most of the site, but I want you to realize that these are just Christian values. We will be skipping things that I think are not according to the Bible, trying to replace what the Bible teaches, such as “guided breathing” and yoga. If we lived according the Bible, a lot of the things covered in social skills would be taken care of because it teaches us how to love others. Even if we know those things, they are still things we can practice and get better at, even if we know them, so this course has value to anyone. I need to practice some of these things! For instance, I hate starting conversations. I don’t like small talk. I’m awkward and not good at it! I could use practice and this course will talk about things like how to start a conversation and about meeting new people and making new friends. For some people, that’s the easy part. Maybe they struggle more with self-control and knowing when to keep their mouth shut. There’s probably something for all of us because none of us are perfect and we can all improve.
  5. What are social skills?
  6. What is an example of a social skill we’ll learn in the course (there are some in my big paragraph)?
  7. What is our key phrase for the course?

Lesson 2

  1. I said that “one another” was our key phrase and that to talk about how we relate to one another we need to first talk about how we relate to God and each other.
  2. Why would that matter? Because…
    • When we realize how God loves us, we can freely love others.
    • When we realize how God forgave us, we can freely forgive.
    • When we realize how God is kind even when we don’t deserve it, we can be kind to others.
    • When we realize how holy God is, making us realize how sinful we are, we can have compassion on others.
    • When we realize that all we have is a gift from God, we give it away freely.
  3. Today, I want you to make a list of all the good things about God you can think of. Then think about Jesus. The Bible says that He is the visible image of the invisible God. We can see God when we look at Jesus. Looking at Jesus’ life and how He treated people, shows us what God is like and what we should be like. He’s the perfect example of loving others because God is love. In your religion, you may view Jesus as a prophet instead of one with God; He’s still the best example of how to love others.
  4. Hold onto your list.

Lesson 3

  1. Look at your list from Lesson 2, the list of good things about God.
  2. How can you demonstrate any of those attributes?
    • Jesus died for others. You can consider other people’s lives more valuable (or just as valuable) as your own. Put others first.
    • Jesus healed. You can pray for people. You can help them. You can take care of them or visit them when they are sick. You can send care packages. You can help pay medical bills.
    • See what you can think of.

Lesson 4

  1. Read some of the “one another” commands in the Bible.
  2. Here’s a list you could print out if you wanted to have it around.
  3. What are two you think you are good at?
  4. What are two you know you need to work on?

Lesson 5

  1. Take the lists from Lesson 4 and apply them.
  2. List five of them how you could specifically do them.
    • For example, one is “bear with one another.” Is there someone in the family who does something that irks you? Are you irked? What can you do when they do that thing instead of getting mad, getting back at them, etc.? You could walk away. You could put on a smile. You can thank God for them. You can pray for them. You can ask God to help you love them at all times. You can ask God to change your heart so that the irksome thing becomes endearing and fun.

Lesson 6

  1. We’ve looked at how God is the ultimate authority on how to live.
  2. We’ve started to look at how we relate to others. We’ll be looking at that throughout the course.
  3. We are going to start by looking at ourselves. Now, this is a little dangerous. Why? Self is the enemy.
  4. If you aren’t a Christian, you aren’t going to understand that. Hopefully you do understand that somewhat if you are a Christian, but I’m not positive you do.
  5. A Christian is someone who has Christ living in them. Galatians 2:20 says that we no longer live, but Christ lives in us. Our baptism is a burial of ourselves and a resurrection of the life of Christ in us.
  6. Self is supposed to be dead. Self is consumed with sin. Self is selfish. It loves itself. It wants stuff that makes it feel good. It causes havoc in our lives. We want to get rid of self.
  7. So, I want to try to get our minds focused right when we talk about self.
  8. This is where many modern teachings will misguide you. We don’t need to love ourselves. We need to love God.
  9. Do I hate myself? No. I hate sin and want any part of self that is selfish out of me. I am a sinner and despicable. There is no good in me (Ps. 16:2, Rom 7:14). I can do nothing on my own (Rom 7:14, John 15:5).
  10. Why do I love myself? Because I am God’s good creation. Everything He created was good (Gen. 1, Psalm 139). He has a plan for my life (Jer. 29:11) and He’s working out His good purposes in my life (Eph. 2:10). I’ve given up my life over to Him so I know He’s working good in me and through me. I have Good Himself living in and through me (Gal. 2:20). I can do all things (Phil. 4:13)!
  11. I love my hair turning white and my freckles and don’t do things to try and change my appearance because God created me just the way He decided. He knows best, and I know that. He made my mind work the way it does. He made my personality. That doesn’t mean that we get to act on our personality and call it good all the time. That means it serves a good purpose in God’s plan. It may be how He humbles us! But it’s for a purpose. God acts on purpose, so we can know we were created on purpose and for a purpose. We don’t have to know the plan; we just have to know the good God with the good plan. We give our lives to Him, and He works it out for the best.
  12. Make a list of things you love, like, and don’t like about yourself.
  13. Why can you be thankful for them all? Think through each one and say thanks!
  14. Even something like a bad habit can be a cause for gratitude because it’s a constant reminder of how you need a Savior (and He CAN save you from it). We don’t have to live in slavery to anything (Romans 6:18).

Identifying Feelings

Lesson 7*

  1. Hopefully we’ve established a foundation for this course so we can go through these things remembering why we can love ourselves and others. Kindness, patience, self-control, goodness, peace, etc. are actually all just expression of love. This is a course about loving others!
  2. Let’s begin at the beginning. We’re going to look at that icky self that causes trouble. We’re going to identify the emotions that rise up so we can know what to do with them when we recognize them.
  3. *Print out these sheets. Hold onto them after today.
  4.  This video is for younger kids, but let’s go ahead and watch it. Fill out one box on each sheet for a situation that makes you feel that emotion. This video can help with ideas. Make your situation personal to you, not generic. When have you felt that way?

Lesson 8

  1. Look at your chameleon emotion sheets from Lesson 7. What are some emotions that are similar to each other?
  2. Fill out another box on each page of your chameleon emotion sheets.

Lesson 9

  1. Look at your chameleon emotion sheets from Lesson 7. Each sheet ranks the emotions from most intense to least intense.
  2. Fill out another box on each page. “Content” is listed twice. You just get to fill it out once. Choose another box.
  3. Are your situations matching the intensity level shown?

Lesson 10

  1. We can’t control emotions coming up in our body, but we can control what we do when we feel them.
  2. We’ll be talking more about that. Look at your chameleon pages. Did you fill out any boxes with the highest intensity? What caused that intense emotion? Was it really that bad looking back at it?
  3. Were there times you were relaxed but looking back you realize what was really happening and maybe you shouldn’t have been so relaxed?
  4. Today, list things that made you happy.
    • Past: What are happy memories for you?
    • Present: List things that make you happy now.
    • Future: Then, list things that you hope for, things that would make you happy to get or accomplish.
  5. Stop and be grateful for happy things. Say thanks. Whether you get those future things or not, there is still a reason to be grateful and give thanks.

Lesson 11*

  1. *Print out pages 2-5 of this worksheet on identifying emotions.
  2. Fill in the first page of the worksheet (page 2).

Lesson 12

  1. You will be using the identifying emotions worksheet form Lesson 11.
  2. Fill in the second page of the worksheet (page 3).

Lesson 13

  1. You will be using the identifying emotions worksheet form Lesson 11.
  2. Fill in the third page of the worksheet (page 4).

Lesson 14

  1. You will be using the identifying emotions worksheet form Lesson 11.
  2. Fill in the fourth page of the worksheet (page 5).

Lesson 15

  1. If you have someone to play with, play emotions charades. You can use your worksheets that you’ve filled out so far for ideas.
  2. If you don’t have someone to play with, draw a picture of a situation when you felt sad. Show it to someone. Does it still make you sad?

Lesson 16

  1. Anger is something we all feel. It’s called a secondary feeling. That means it’s a result of another feeling.
  2. Have you ever been sad-mad?
  3. Or, maybe you acted out in anger, but you were really embarrassed or disappointed?
  4. Try to think of at least one time you were angry. Write down (or tell someone) times you were angry and what was causing the anger.
  5. You may think you were just angry. He broke my ____. I told him to stay out, but he didn’t listen. But think about what you are really feeling. Is it frustration because it keeps happening and you think he just gets away with it and it’s not fair? (as an example)
  6. This can help you not be angry with others, because you can realize you aren’t really anger, but it’s something else.
  7. It can also help you stop and try to understand when someone else is angry. Instead of defending yourself against their anger, try to understand what they are really feeling.
    • Try to get them to tell you how they are feeling by trying to understand, even if you are wrong. “Are you upset that I broke that because it was your favorite?”
    • It may not be but then they can answer.
    • If you can get to the bottom of what’s really bothering them, then you can work to solve the problem.
  8. If you are just angry at someone, then they will just react and defend themselves. We need to talk to each other and solve the problem together.

Lesson 17

  1. Write out or draw a scenario that happens in your house where you get angry or upset.
    • What is the real feeling behind the anger?
    • What steps could be taken to keep that from happening?
    • Can you talk to the others in your home about helping make that happen?

Lesson 18

  1. Write out or draw a scenario that happens in your house where someone gets angry or upset with you.
    • Try to identify what they are feeling.
    • Ask them and let them try to explain. You don’t get to decide their feeling. They get to tell you.
    • Problem-solve together to figure out a solution.
    • Parents: don’t solve the problem. If they can’t get anywhere, try to give them a few suggested options so they have to come to a decision together about how to solve the problem.

Lesson 19

  1. Be feeling detectives today.
  2. Get a notebook. Put everyone’s name on it spaced out on the page.
  3. Observe them. How do you think they are feeling right now?
  4. What makes you say that?
  5. If you notice someone is feeling stressed or upset, think about how you can help.
  6. Can you offer to help do a chore for them to give them some help? Can you offer to play some music that they like? Can you offer to sit with them so they have someone to talk to? Can you offer a hug?
    • Notice you are offering. You aren’t just forcing your help on someone. It’s only helpful if they say it’s helpful.

Lesson 20

  1. Watch this video. Make it full screen. It won’t let me do it for you. It points out that feelings don’t come out of no where. They start with thoughts.
  2. Just like every other good thing we’re to do, the Bible teaches us about this too. It says to take your thoughts captive and to think on good things (Personally, I think God is the only one who fits all those descriptions about what we’re to think about. I like to try to keep thinking about Jesus throughout the day.)
  3. Write down three thoughts that get you upset.
  4. Write down three antidote thoughts.
  5. You can do more if you like.
  6. Here are some antidote thoughts from a Biblical perspective.
    • God created me in His image and sees His perfect potential in me.
    • God loves me forever and always no matter what.
    • God has mercy on me and forgives me when I come to Him.
    • God has a purpose for me today and every day.
    • I want to love others like God loves me.
    • I am not more important than anyone else. My time is not more important than anyone else’s. My things are not more valuable than anyone else’s. What I want is not most important.
    • Thank You, Jesus! The Bible says to give thanks for everything. Practice that and you’ll have happy thoughts. Thank you for this day. Thank you for this food. Thank you for these clothes I have to wear. Thank you that my heart is beating and I am able to breathe. Thank you for my mind that can read these words. Thank you for helping me all the time. Thank you that I am never alone. Thank you that you watch over me. Thank you for this trouble I’m having because you are working something good. Thank you that I can trust you to always do good and always be faithful and loving towards me. Thank you that you want the best for me, so I can relax and trust you are at work doing just what I want because I want your best for me. And on and on. There’s no end to thankful and good thoughts when it come to God because He’s infinitely good and infinitely loving and infinitely faithful and infinitely powerful. He’s just so GREAT!
  7. Maybe today is a good day to start a gratitude jar. Grab a jar, bowl, box, container. Add a note to the jar today. Something like, “I am thankful for my family because they give me hugs and make me laugh.” Add to your jar every day or whenever you think of it. When you are struggling to find happy thoughts, open your container and read your gratitude notes.

Expressing Feelings

Lesson 21

  1. Add something to your gratitude jar. Example: I am thankful for my home because…
  2. Play charades. Find a partner to play with. If you don’t have a partner, record yourself doing it.
  3. Choose an emotion. Here’s a list if you need words.
  4. Act out the emotion. The guesser can say any of the words on the list under the main word.
  5. Take turns.
  6. When you are done, think about how you were able to ask. We need to be aware of the bodies and faces of those around us and think about how they might be feeling. We can have empathy for them because we know what it feels like to feel that way.
  7. Empathy is to understand what someone is going through because you have gone through it too.

Lesson 22*

  1. Add something to your gratitude jar. Example: I am thankful for today’s weather because…
  2. *Print and cut out these cards. If you are playing with more than one child, each child needs the first page with the faces, but everyone can share one copy of the scenario cards.
  3. Shuffle the cards and put them face down in a pile.
  4. Choose a card and color in the face and circle the word to match the emotion you think you or someone else would feel in that situation.

Lesson 23

  1. Add something to your gratitude jar. Example: I am thankful for my pet/friend/relative because…
  2. Draw a picture of how you are feeling right now.
  3. Write underneath it what is making you feel that way.
  4. What thoughts are making those feelings? Write a thought you are having that is making that feeling.
  5. Now, show the picture to someone and explain it.
    • Listener, listen without comment. When they finish, repeat back what they said.
  6. Did you blame someone for how you were feeling? For instance, “I’m mad because you are so annoying.”
  7. If you did, think about what you are really feeling. Remember, anger isn’t the real emotion. There is something else.
  8. Are you embarrassed? frustrated? tired? stressed and worried?
  9. If you blamed someone for how you were feeling (and told them), please go again and try to explain how you are really feeling. “I’m sorry I called you annoying and was mad at you. I’m upset because I’m stressed that I have so much school work to do and you keep wanting to talk to me and stopping me from getting it done. I need some time to finish my work and then I can listen to you.”

Lesson 24

  1. Add something to your gratitude jar. Example: I am thankful for my food because…
  2. This is the same activity we did for Lesson 23. Give it another try.
  3. Draw a picture of how you are feeling right now.
  4. Write underneath it what is making you feel that way. Don’t blame someone else. You have control of your feelings. What thoughts are producing that feeling? Write at least one thought.
  5. Now, show the picture to someone and explain it.
    • Listener, listen without comment. When they finish, repeat back what they said.
  6. Did you blame someone for how you were feeling? For instance, “I’m sad because you won’t let me go with you.”
  7. If you did, think about what you are really feeling. Remember, anger isn’t the real emotion. There is something else.
  8. Are you embarrassed? frustrated? tired? stressed and worried?
  9. If you blamed someone for how you were feeling (and told them), please go again and try to explain how you are really feeling. Example: “I’m sorry I blamed you for making me sad. I know I can’t go. It’s not for me. It’s for you. I should be happy for you instead of sad for me. I’m just sad because I know I’m too little.”
    • This is a thought that needs an antidote. Be thankful for today. Today is the last today you get. Tomorrow, today will be gone. It will be yesterday. If you are 8, this is the last year you’ll ever be 8! Be thankful. 8 is a gift! Enjoy it. You’ll get a chance at all those other ages, but you’ll never get the chance to be 8 again.

Lesson 25

  1. Add something to your gratitude jar. Example: I am thankful for my clothes because…
  2. I gave a couple examples in the last lessons about how sometimes we blame others for how we are feeling when really we are feeling something else that we have some control over.
  3. One was that the child was sad they were too little. He’s being frustrated with being too small and feeling left out instead of being grateful for all the gifts of being young. We can recognize that and help the child be included, but the child can also give thanks and be happy for those older than him.
  4. Another example was an older child who is stressed over finishing their work. Maybe they have a deadline for a course. They are worried they don’t have enough time. They can make a schedule for themselves that includes spending time with the younger child, so that they each can know they are getting what they want. They can also make sure to schedule their time so they aren’t doing a lot of work at the last minute.
  5. Let’s look at things you are worried about. Make a list of what you are worried about and rate each one: (mark with green) not really worried or scared just a little sometimes, (mark with blue) worried and scared whenever I think of it, (mark with red) think of it all the time because I’m so worried and scared about it.
  6. Now, for each one, list antidote thoughts.
  7. Example: I’m worried about getting sick. Antidote thought: Being sick is no fun, but I always get better. When I’m sick, I get to rest and people take care of me. Bible antidote thoughts: God is powerful and in control. He is a shield about me. He will protect me. If I get sick, it wasn’t by accident. God is still good and still loving me and taking care of me. He’s working out the best plan, so thank you, Lord!

Managing Emotions

Lesson  26

  1. Add something to your gratitude jar. Thankfulness or gratitude is the antidote to almost anything, so that’s why we are going to practice that lots. The goal is to be thankful for everything always! That way nothing bad can ever happen to us. There’s always some good in there. 🙂
  2. We’re going to be talking about managing those feelings we’ve been talking about.
  3. Remember that feelings come first as thoughts. If we want a feeling to go away, we need to manage our thinking.
  4. Just saying a good thought won’t immediately make the feeling go away, but as we practice right thinking, the feelings will go away and will not come back often.
  5. One problem we have with our thinking is that sometimes we make assumptions and jump to conclusions. Her are some examples of what I mean.
    • You might see someone laughing and think they are laughing about you and be mad at them when they were laughing at something totally unrelated.
    • You might see someone ate the snack you were saving and start blaming someone and get mad at them when maybe they weren’t the one to eat it or maybe they got permission from a parent and they didn’t know it was being saved.
  6. Read through these scenarios and choose the best response to express how you feel without blaming others or trying to get revenge.

Lesson 27

  1. Add something to your gratitude jar. Example: I am thankful for my education because…
  2. Watch this video.
  3. For scared, sad, and angry, write out or tell someone what you do when you feel those things to make yourself feel better.
  4. Here are some ideas. If you are sad, you may ask someone to play a game with you to cheer up. You may want to take a walk alone if you are angry. You may want to put on music and dance around if you are scared or anxious to distract yourself.

Lesson 28*

  1. Add something to your gratitude jar. Example: I am thankful for my books/toys/games because…
  2. *Print out this worksheet.
  3. Which thought would help with which feeling?
  4. Can you find one feeling on there and remember the last time you felt that way, or maybe you feel that way about something right now. Can that thought help you? Can you think of an antidote thought that would help you?

Lesson 29

  1. Add something to your gratitude jar. Example: I am thankful for my body because…
  2. Watch this video.
  3. There are five poison thoughts. List them. For each two of them, try to think of a time you had a thought like that. What antidote thought could you have?
  4. Hold onto your list. We’ll do more in Lesson 30.

Lesson 30

  1. Add something to your gratitude jar. Example: I am thankful for music because…
  2. There are five poison thoughts. List them. For each two of them, try to think of a time you had a thought like that. What antidote thought could you have?
  3. Here’s the video if you need a reminder.

Lesson 31

  1. Add something to your gratitude jar. Example: I am thankful for technology because…
  2. Write down or tell someone what you are worried about.
  3. Now, let’s think about it.
    • Is your worry based on fact or feeling?
    • Is it likely your worry could come true?
    • What’s the worst that could happen?
    • Will this matter in the future?
    • Is there anything I can do about it?
    • How should I be thinking about this?
  4. In general, eating healthy and getting exercise (moving around, playing actively) help us feel better.
  5. Bible thoughts are useful always because God is unchanging, so we never need to figure out a new positive thought. We can know He’s always good. We can know He’s always loving us. We can know He’s got the best plan for our lives and is in control. We can just trust Him to be working good no matter what bad things are going on around us. We don’t have to fear a bad thing happening because if it does, God will use it for our good. Nothing surprises Him. Praising God for all His greatness and thanking Him for everything, including the stuff that feels bad is a way to stay joyful.

Lesson 32

  1. Add something to your gratitude jar. Example: I am thankful for clean water because…
  2. Today, write about or tell someone about a time you were disappointed. You were hoping for something and it didn’t happen.
    • Here are some examples:
    • A friend left you out of something
    • You wanted something and didn’t get it
    • You lose a game
    • You try something and fail at it
  3. Think of the disappointment like you built up a great Lego tower and then it was knocked over and broke into pieces.
  4. How are you going to build it back up?
  5. Think of your situation and think of things you can or could have done.
    • Examples:
    • Try again.
    • Use kind words and treat others the way you want to be treated.
    • Remind yourself it’s not the end of the world, just the end of one day and there will be a new one tomorrow. This will be in the past. It will be okay.
    • Maybe you didn’t really need it. If I really needed it, I would have it. I just wanted it. Maybe I can have it another time, but maybe I won’t even care about it later.

Lesson 33*

  1. Add something to your gratitude jar. Example: I’m thankful for the seasons because…
  2. *Print out these sheets, or just the second page if you want to save paper and don’t want to cut out.
  3. Cut out and glue the scenarios into their proper place. Or, choose two colors and color in each block to show if it’s a big or small feeling.
  4. What’s the difference?
  5. A small thing we should just let go. I’m disappointed, I’m upset, I’m sad about that, but it’s okay. It’s not a big deal. Just move on and let those thoughts go.
  6. A big thing might take more work. We may need to work on those thoughts. We can talk to someone about our big feelings. They can help us understand what we’re feeling and help us turn around our thinking.

Lesson 34

  1. Add something to your gratitude jar. Example: I am thankful for electricity because…
  2. How can we calm down when our emotions are taking over?
  3. What do we not want to do? Write down a list or tell someone. (Hint: We don’t want to yell or hit or do anything that would hurt someone or something.)
  4. What can we do to calm down so our brains can recover and think straight? (Hint: walk away and be by yourself, listen to music, pet the dog, say thankful thoughts, do some exercise, read a book, play with a fidget toy, etc.)
  5. Choose a couple things that you think really help you to calm down and make your body feel better. Do you need reminders to do those things? What can you do to remind yourself? Make a sign? Make a bracelet, etc?

Lesson 35*

  1. Add something to your gratitude jar. Example: I am thankful for my hair because…
  2. *Print out these pages. Write out or talk through each one. How should you be talking to yourself?
  3. How we talk to ourselves is how we talk to others. Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you! Talk to yourself the way you’d want others to talk to you.
  4. What are you great at?
  5. What did you do well today?
  6. Bible thought: You were created in the image of God. You are His workmanship, His masterpiece that He created (Eph. 2:10, Psalm 139/Jeremiah 1:15)  Don’t talk badly about God’s creation. He doesn’t make mistakes. He made you just right. Give your life to Him to use you just the way He perfectly planned.